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"Koh Pha Ngan, Thailand" ?Posted by devon on Saturday, January 10, 2004
UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG..................
UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.............
Since I last wrote, 120 some odd hours ago, I have been awake for 98 of them. I have been drunk for about 60. I feel like something clandestine has implanted itself within my spirit and devoured me from the inside, leaving me void on the inside. I have been living in such a paradox of ugliness and beauty. I need to get out now, and I leave in 2 hours.
On the one hand, I realize that the way I have been living over the past few days is an empty, unsatisfied existance. Yet I have been supremely happy to realize that nothing can change the way I am. No matter how deeply I indulge, and this past week constitutes an immersion in the meaningless delights of festivity to a degree I would have never seen possible for myself, that, I am still that selfsame intense, frustrating and overanalyzing personality. Its proved itself in a number of instances over the past few blurry and inebriated days. The fact that I realized yesterday that I needed to get out and be on my own, despite external factors urging me to stay, I believe is the biggest indicator. Right now, the best thing for me is to get the hell out of here, and in my heart, there is nothing I want to do more.
Logic and emotion have intercepted eachother.
I'll write once I get back to my responsiblities.
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